Ulysses didn’t usually like bars. They were overcrowded, loud, and often stank to high hell. Unfortunately, the common area at the inn where they were staying for this leg of their journey was worse, and Madison had requested a few hours’ privacy in their shared room. Understandable, since she was about to meet her betrothed for the first time in her life. So Ulysses had set wards on her room, checked to make sure the protective amulets he’d given her were charged, and set out into the town to find the least objectionable place to while away the night.
He had settled on a smaller place near the center of town as the least likely to have criminal activity and the most likely to have decent wine. It wasn’t so bad, once the barkeep showed him to a table in the back. The wine was drinkable, the noise level wasn’t awful, and he was able to tune most of it out and get to his book in peace.
No god would let his night go unspoiled, though. Tonight’s misfortune came in the form of a huge patron of the bar sliding into the chair across from him. “Hey,” she said, her voice deep and slightly slurred by drink. He begrudgingly looked up from his book and sized her up. First glance got him a tiefling- and not bothering to hide it, red-skinned with huge curving horns- who was clearly drunk, trying to do something with her eyebrows that was maybe meant to be suggestive. His bodyguard’s instincts told him to give her a second look, which got him the breadth of her shoulders, the way she held herself, still balanced even with what smelled like several drinks in her system. The way her left arm was on the table, steadying her to lean towards him, but the right was by her hip, instinctively waiting for a weapon that wasn’t there. If he had to guess, he’d say mercenary, possibly a bodyguard. Clearly not a very good one, or else in between jobs. Any halfway decent bodyguard wouldn’t abandon their charge to get wasted in a nowhere tavern.
Ulysses raised an eyebrow at her, which she took as an invitation to continue. “So, my friend thinks you’re hot.” The tiefling pointed at a table halfway across the bar where an admittedly very beautiful person was sitting and trying not to look over at them. “You single?”
“I’m busy,” Ulysses replied, turning back to his book. The woman shrugged and left, and Ulysses tuned the bar out again.
“And you have the bracelet?” Ulysses asked, checking his spellbook for the thirteenth time that hour.
“Yes, Ulysses,” Madison replied, rolling her eyes. “And the amulet, and the scroll, and the salve to shield my skin from the sun. Honestly, sometimes I think you’d sew wards into my underthings if you had the chance.”
Ulysses frowned. “Well, actually-”
“No, no, absolutely not,” Madison said, cutting him off. “If you even try that I am going to have you fired so fast your head will spin.” She sighed, smoothing the front of her dress. “But thank you. I know my mother is worried sick about this, so it means a lot to her that you go to all this trouble.”
“It is my job, after all.” Ulysses smiled at Madison, and she smiled back, trying not to look worried. Their relationship was not an especially close one, but he had been her bodyguard for years now, so he knew when something was on her mind. And if he was being honest, he couldn’t blame her. To be married to someone she had never met, to tie her noveau riche house to an ancient pedigree, to put herself through years of a loveless union for the sake of her family- Ulysses couldn’t think of a fate more antithetical to Madison’s strong will and independent spirit. But here she was, going through with it anyway because she had to. He couldn’t help but admire that about her. It was a level of determination that he had always aspired to.
Madison adjusted her elaborate braids one more time, set her jaw, and stood up from her chair. “Well? Shall we go?”
“If you’re ready.” Ulysses opened the door for her, and Madison stepped through.
This was the most meticulously-planned courtship Ulysses had ever heard of. First the initial meeting, to take place at the house of a noble ally of both houses. Then the announcement of engagement, to take place a week later. Then the engagement party, which would serve as the reception for those allies of House Heatherlock not able to make the journey to Impiltur. Then weeks of dull travel, then the reception in Impiltur, then the wedding itself. He knew the lives of nobles were regimented, but he hadn’t thought their romances usually had a physical itinerary until he was holding it in his hands. And now here they were, right on schedule, waiting in the sitting-room of a noble lady who Madison was gamely trying to make conversation with. Ulysses was doing his best to blend in with the background, to become a piece of furniture in the eyes of the nobles just like all the hired help was. It wouldn’t do Madison much good if he made her more nervous by pacing around. His arms were crossed, his body immobile, but his eyes more than made up for that lack of movement, darting all around the room, scanning for possible threats. Ulysses had gotten very good at paranoia over the years.
Nearly ten minutes after the scheduled meeting time, a butler finally opened the door and announced “Lord Emiel, of House Asuna.” In came the most dazzling person Ulysses had ever seen. They swept into the room in some sort of gauzy outfit halfway between a dress uniform and a ballgown, silencing all conversation in their wake. Their hair was braided and coiffed even more elaborately than Madison’s, and Madison had used no small amount of magic on hers. They were nothing short of ethereal. And behind them came-
Oh gods above. It was the woman from last night. Her simple sleeveless tunic had been swapped out for fitted black scale mail that accentuated her broad shoulders and left her arms completely bare. Her casual drunken stumble had been replaced by a purposeful stride, only ever one or two steps away from her charge’s side. Her horns had even been capped off by beaten gold tips that glinted in the light of the chamber. Ulysses had to fight the urge to sneer. He’d seen her type before. Bodyguards who made their living off of looking more dangerous than they were. She’d probably gotten that intricate neck tattoo just to look exotic. Most employers didn’t learn until it was too late that being six feet tall and built like a direbear was no substitute for actual skill and intellect, and Ulysses didn’t think this bodyguard had much of either. It was strange, though. Most of the time, the kind of person who hired a bodyguard for the flash factor was a small-time merchant with little experience in actually being a target. Noble families tended to at least go by training or pedigree. Ulysses didn’t know much about Madison’s betrothed, but he did know that the current head of House Asuna- Emiel’s sister- was supposed to be extremely competent. Certainly not the type of person who would let her little sibling go so far from home with only what amounted to a circus performer by their side.
Emiel sat down next to Madison and smiled at her, speaking too softly for Ulysses to hear. With her charge safely deposited into the overstuffed embrace of an armchair, the tiefling looked around the room. Her gaze landed on Ulysses and she smiled, a big open smile that Ulysses had only previously seen on children and street performers looking for their next audience participant. Oh no, was she going to- Yes. Yes, she was striding over to Ulysses. Mystra’s loom, did she recognize him?
“Hey!” she said, doing the worst stage-whisper he’d ever heard. “Holy shit, small world! Did you follow us from Drustban or what?”
“Since you got here late, it would seem that you are the ones who followed us.” Wait. She had said ‘us.’ So the person she had pointed to in the tavern… Ulysses looked at Emiel, who was chatting lightly with their hostess and Madison. No, that would be ridiculous. Nobles who were about to be betrothed didn’t try to pick up people in bars by sending their bodyguards to flirt for them. Besides, the lighting had been bad, and so logically any resemblance Ulysses drew between the person at the bar and the noble before him was just speculation.
“Guess so!” Enna leaned against the wall next to him. “So who you working for?” When he raised an eyebrow, she grinned. “I mean, you’re clearly not here for socializing. You part of the household or with one of the other bluebloods?”
Ulysses let a long moment pass before responding. Even with other show-offs, this amount of crosstalk was not usual for other bodyguards. His colleagues were a fairly solitary bunch, not as given to swapping tales of glory and shop talk as mercenaries were. She was even more unprofessional than he’d thought. “I am Lady Heatherlock’s bodyguard.”
“Oh, sweet! I’m Emiel’s.” Ulysses fought back the urge to say I know and why are you being so familiar with them and do you chat like this with everyone you meet, how has your charge not gotten stabbed yet. “My name’s Crush-Your-Enemies-See-Them-Driven-Before-You-And-Hear-The-Lamentation-Of- Their-Women Johnson.” She stuck out her hand. “Or Enna, if that’s a mouthful.”
“Um.” Ulysses took her hand, blinking. “I’m Ulysses. Is that all your first name?”
“Yeah, except for Johnson! I’m from the plains, and out there people tend to have way cooler names.” Enna shook his hand with a bone-crushing grip. “Where are you from?”
He was not answering that. “Shouldn’t you be watching your charge?”
Enna shrugged, hopefully sensing that the conversation was over, and turned back to watching Emiel.
Madison sighed as she threw herself onto her bed. “Well, Ulysses, I’m doomed!” She kicked a shoe off and it hit the wall with a clunk. “Two hours of conversation with Emiel and I am convinced that they do not have a single original or interesting thought in their head! I am going to get married and then wall myself up in our manor and our descendants will tell tales of the ghost of the lady who went mad and died from terminal boring conversation disease.”
Ulysses crossed the room to retrieve the shoe. “Perhaps they will be more interesting when you speak with them one on one. They are supposed to be fairly learned.”
Madison rolled over and propped herself up on her elbows. “You didn’t have to talk to them, Ulysses! They talked to Lady Foxwell for twenty minutes about hairpieces. If I have to talk to them one on one for more than five seconds I will set the entire building on fire with us inside.”
“Please don’t do that.” Ulysses sat down on the stool in front of the vanity. “That would be difficult to explain to your mother.”
“Can you hand me that pillow?” Madison asked. Ulysses obliged, and Madison buried her face into it. She screamed for long enough that Ulysses had time to put her shoes away at the foot of the bed and start setting wards on the door. When she was done, Ulysses sat on the edge of the bed and handed her a glass of water. “Thank you,” she said, sitting up. “So what’s their bodyguard like? I saw you two talking when they came in.”
“Ugh.” Madison snorted at the expression on Ulysses’ face. “Somehow she’s worse. I think she was only hired because she looks intimidating.”
“I dunno, I don’t mind how she looks,” Madison said, wiggling her eyebrows. Ulysses rolled his eyes and smiled, and Madison laughed. “What? I’m allowed to look at people.” She leaned back onto the headboard and looked up at the ceiling. “I guess Emiel isn’t the worst person I could have gotten married off to. At least they’re pretty, and about my age.” She sighed. “It could have been some shitty old nobleman. And maybe Impiltur will be a nice place to live.”
“You don’t have to pretend like you’re looking forward to it,” Ulysses said. “It’s not like I’m going to tell anyone.” He got up and crossed the room to finish up the wards on the door. “And if you need to talk about it… I can at least listen.”
“Thanks, Ulysses,” Madison said, covering her face with the pillow again. “I think what I really need is a drink. Do you think Lady Foxwell has any elven wine?”
“I can go check for you. You should rest tonight, though. Tomorrow you’re going to spend the entire day with them, after all.” Madison groaned through the pillow, still audible through the door as Ulysses closed it.
Lady Foxwell’s manor was large, but not unmanageable. A servant directed him to the wine cellar. Using the back passageways, Ulysses was able to avoid many of the noble guests who probably had no desire to see a bodyguard lurking around. He’d spent enough time in noble houses to understand that. He was about to leave the passage and enter the cellar when he heard voices. Instinct flattened him against the wall and silenced his footsteps.
“You fuckin- you fuckin get me, Enna!” The person around the corner had clearly just visited the cellar. Some servant taking advantage of an inattentive head of house? “No, listen- listen!” There were two people, based on the giggles he could hear now- one much deeper, one high and tinkling like bells. Slightly drunken bells, but still. “You’re the only- fuckin nobody gets me, even Andromeda is like, you know?” Footsteps were stumbling towards Ulysses, and he wove a quick spell of concealment. Old habits died hard, even when he wasn’t doing anything wrong. “And you’re just like- I know like, our souls are the same, you know?” The footsteps rounded the corner, along with a faint glow. It wasn’t until the revelers were visible that he realized that the glow wasn’t coming from a torch or magelight but from a person. Emiel Asuna, Impiltur’s most famous aasimar, was drunk off their ass and stumbling along with the help of their imposing bodyguard.
“Yeah, I know!” The tiefling was clearly drunk too, and as they passed Ulysses he got a whiff of what was most likely one of the nicer vintages in the Foxwell cellar. “It’s like- I love you, okay? You’re like, the best person I know.”
“Awwww, Enna!” Emiel leaned their head on Enna’s shoulder in what was either a gesture of affection or a drunken inevitability. “I love you too! And I really am the best person you know.” The two continued down the hallway as Ulysses dismissed his concealment and ducked into the cellar. Well. An illicit love affair certainly explained Emiel’s choice in bodyguard. Ulysses didn’t think very highly of someone for forgoing personal safety for physical attraction’s sake, but he supposed that the nobility were entitled to their foolish quirks. He went to the back of the cellar and began his search for the strongest elven wine he could find. Madison was going to need it to get through this engagement.
The past three days hadn’t done much to improve Ulysses’ opinion of Enna. Thankfully for Madison’s sake, Emiel had proven themself to be a decently interesting conversationalist. She had actually enjoyed their first one on one conversation, finding common ground with Emiel on childhood stories and legends. If Ulysses was being honest, he thought Emiel was interesting too. They had this air about them that made him want to talk to them himself, to ask their opinion on certain discrepancies between cultural myths and to discuss- ugh. Ulysses stopped himself before that thought got any further. There wasn’t any point in it, after all. Especially considering that at this present moment they were actively discussing their engagement to his employer. The announcement was a few days off, and Emiel had some strong opinions about how they wanted the event to go. Madison was not nearly as opinionated, but she was making an effort to shoot down their more dramatic ideas. And Enna…. well. She sure was there.
Actually, at the moment Ulysses wouldn’t consider Enna to be “there.” She was currently lounging on a couch, arm over her eyes, looking to all the world like she was taking a nap. A perfect illustration of his concerns. He had been double and triple checking the security of the house, setting wards on the perimeter, setting his spells daily to ensure Madison’s safety, and what had she been doing? Not much other than flirting with the kitchen maids, disappearing for hours, and eating everything she saw. It seemed he was going to have to do all the bodyguarding for the both of them.
The discussion ended when a butler came in to announce that Lady Foxwell would be having a small soirée after dinner and would they be interested in attending? Emiel immediately sat up and agreed, and Madison, clearly trying to be as amenable as possible, also agreed. Enna didn’t even budge. Ulysses sighed. Tonight would be tedious.
Lady Foxwell’s idea of a small soirée was apparently on par with most people’s ideas of a mid-sized festival. Her extensive garden had been transformed into an outdoor ballroom, and it seemed like every noble in a thousand mile radius had been invited. Balls of soft light floated among the trees, casting gentle shadows over the revelers. Madison and Emiel were dancing primarily with each other, which meant that Ulysses and Enna followed them in lockstep, twin shadows hovering just on the edges of the dance floor. Ulysses’ gaze was constantly shifting, on the lookout for anything out of the ordinary, anyone approaching the two dancers with any malicious intent. Enna’s head was also swiveling around, but Ulysses suspected she was trying to track down the snack table.
The band quieted as Lady Foxwell herself took center stage. Her words, magically amplified, drifted over those assembled, thanking them for their attendance and telling them about the various delights that were in store for them as the evening progressed. All chatter that Ulysses had heard too many times before. He found himself losing focus, his eyes drifting to the back of Emiel’s head. They were wearing something distractingly open-backed tonight, and their hair was loose in waves over their shoulders. They were beautiful.
Ulysses was abruptly broken out of his reverie by Enna crossing his field of vision. In only two strides, she was at Emiel’s side, twisting the wrist of a guest next to them. Ulysses’ heart raced when he saw a glittering knife drop to the ground. His hands were already at his spellbook, and a circle of force shoved the surrounding guests away from Madison. Enna lifted the would-be attacker by his wrist and he cried out, his hand spasming. She snarled and threw him across the room. Ulysses was now at Madison’s side, mumbling spells of protection and weaving them over his two charges, his eyes ranging over the crowd, which was staring at them with bloodless fear. A high scream broke the silence, there was a flash of movement to his left, and before he could react Enna was already moving, her head down like a charging bull. Her shoulder connected with a man’s sternum, she dug an elbow into his solar plexus, and the crackling ball of energy around his fist whooshed out of existence as the air left his lungs. “Go!” she shouted, hoisting the man above her head and turning to look at Ulysses, and he nodded, mouth still moving in arcane incantations. As he turned, he could see assailants advancing on Enna, and she roared a challenge as he and their charges fled.
The outdoor garden had enough entrances and exits to be extremely dangerous, especially with the now-panicked crowd swarming away from the dance floor in all directions. Ulysses chose the one with the most direct line to the estate and began running, only a half-step behind Madison and Emiel. He could hear the sounds of fighting behind him, what sounded like some of Lady Foxwell’s guards joining the fray, hopefully on their side. He guided Emiel and Madison through the stampeding nobles and pulled them around a corner into a relatively quiet section of the garden, throwing up a quick concealment and urging them to keep low. Emiel was clinging to Madison’s arm, their eyes wide. Madison had a flickering fire-glow around her fingers, but at Ulysses’ look she dispelled it. They moved towards the estate. Ulysses’ ears pricked up as he heard someone moving towards them, and he gestured for Emiel and Madison to move behind a hedge as he prepared for attack.
Heavy footsteps, a strangled yell, and a body was thrown across the garden’s entrance. A dark figure followed soon after. Its hair and eyes were wild, golden pupils almost glowing in the low flickering light coming from the flaming battle-axe it was holding in blood-soaked hands. Ulysses took a step back, throwing his arm forward to begin a shield. It wasn’t until the figure’s snarl faded into a smile illuminated by his half-formed spell that he realized its skin wasn’t red from blood. Enna loped forward, straightening up from her monstrous crouch and grinning at Ulysses.
“You’ve got them, right?” she whispered. He nodded the affirmative and pointed at where he’d woven the concealment over them. “Good. Because we need to get the fuck outta here. The manor’s compromised as hell, and we aren’t going back until this shit’s sorted.”
Ulysses heard a squawk of indignation, quickly shushed, come from the bushes. Enna strode over and Ulysses dismissed the concealment. “Sorry, Emiel, we’ll be back for our shit later,” Enna said, holstering her axe and offering them a hand to help them up. When she offered the same to Madison, she took it, but winced as she stood. Enna’s brows knitted together in concern. “You okay?”
“I stumbled on a root or something,” Madison said, standing mostly on one leg. “It’s fine, I think I can still run.”
Enna eyed her skeptically. “Sure, for like a minute, but if your ankle’s twisted you’re not gonna get far. Don’t worry, I’ve got this.” She knelt down in front of Madison and held out her arms. “Want a ride?”
In the low light, Ulysses couldn’t see what Madison’s face did, but he had a pretty good guess. In a few moments they were off, Enna leading the way with Madison cradled in her arms and Madison’s arms firmly around her neck. This meant that Ulysses was running beside Emiel, who was holding their shoes in their hand and grimacing at the feeling of wet grass under their feet. They looked over at him and shrugged. “Well, this isn’t the best party I’ve ever been to.”
Ulysses couldn’t stop a small laugh from escaping. “You were nearly stabbed.”
They rolled their eyes, a smile tugging at their lips. “That’s lowland drama. Wait till you get to the parties my sister throws.”
Enna’s escape route took them out of the gardens and down a path leading them deeper into Lady Foxwell’s large estate. They stopped in a copse of trees to catch their breath, Emiel tugging a shawl over themself to hide their faint glow. Enna set Madison down gently on some soft moss at the base of a tree. “You okay?” she asked, and Madison nodded, looking quickly away.
“How did you know this was here?” Ulysses asked, fumbling around in his hip-bag for a healing potion.
“Scoped out the place second day we were here. Remember when y’all had your first one on one and I left like immediately after dropping Emiel off?” Ulysses nodded, passing Madison the small vial. “I took a run around the grounds while you were talking.”
Ulysses stared at her. “Lady Foxwell’s estate is dozens of hectares wide. Are you telling me you ran around that in an hour?”
Enna shrugged. “Yeah? I mean, I ran through most of it, I don’t think I saw everything. But I found this place!” She rolled her shoulders in a stretch. “We can try camping out here for the night, hope it blows over, or we can loop around, see if we can get back into town, find a tavern and wait till morning to go back and get our stuff.”
“I vote tavern.” Emiel crossed their arms. “If I have to sleep on the dirt I will literally die.”
“Seconded,” Madison added, passing the empty potion vial back to Ulysses and prodding at her healed ankle tentatively. “Not that I mind camping out, but a random tree spot on a big fancy lawn isn’t the most defensible position.”
Enna looked over at Ulysses, who nodded. She exhaled, long and slow, and straightened up. “Alright. Closest edge of the estate is away from town, it’s just woods through there so it’d be slow but safe. More direct is cutting through the lawn, not much cover but we could probably sprint to the gardener’s shed and through the secondary garden maze.”
“There’s a secondary maze?” Ulysses asked.
“Nobles, right? Bitches be crazy.” Enna looked over at Madison. “Uh, no offense.”
“You’re not wrong,” she replied, cautiously putting weight on her ankle. “Fast and risky has my vote. I mean, we don’t even know they’re after us specifically. Maybe they just wanted to cause general chaos.” She looked at Emiel. “I know I haven't done anything to make people want to kill me.”
“I haven’t either!” Emiel said indignantly. “Ugh. This is probably some enemy of my sister’s, again.”
Madison raised an eyebrow, barely visible in the dim light Emiel was emitting. “Again?”
Emiel huffed in annoyance. “Every time we take a trip, some asshole thinks they can get to Andr- uh, Haniel by kidnapping me and holding me for ransom. I mean, it’s not my fault I’m her favorite sibling! And then Enna has to fight them, and sometimes we have to sleep in the woods, and then I have to miss parties and it’s SUPER annoying.”
Enna grinned. “It happens a lot! I’m like, really good at murder. Or self-defense? Whatever.” She gave Emiel a hand up. “Y’all ready to roll?”
Ulysses nodded. Still trying to reconcile the extremely incongruous parts of Enna’s personality, he wove another concealment spell and they were off.
They weren’t exactly spoiled for choice in terms of taverns. The best option was the closest one, and the closest one was not the nicest one. By that point, though, even Emiel was tired enough to not complain. It was well past midnight, and they had been running for nearly an hour through woods and fields and an admittedly complicated secondary hedge maze.
As they ran, Enna had recounted in a low rumbling whisper what had happened after they fled. She had had to fight off several attackers, including a few of the estate’s guards- “not sure if they’re with the baddies or if it was just a natural guardly reaction to a demon barbarian going berserk on the dance floor, wouldn’t be the first time, but we should probs assume we can’t trust them-“ and had managed to leave them dazed enough to evade pursuit. They’d fanned out to search after they realized that Emiel and Madison had left, so their goal wasn’t general mayhem.
Hopefully their flight had thrown them off the scent. They had managed to make it to the town without incident. As the least recognizable person in the group, Ulysses went on ahead into the tavern while Enna waited under the concealment with the charges at the edge of town. It was no better or worse than any tavern he’d ever been in. The same general collection of characters- blowhards with too much ale in their stomachs, cloaked figures whispering suspiciously in corners, rowdy groups flagging down servers at every opportunity, etcetera. He managed to find the proprietress, who yawned her way through accepting his coin. So far so good. Ulysses returned to the group to find Emiel nodding off on Enna’s shoulder and ignored the tug in his ribcage to tell them they could move out.
There is no quiet and inconspicuous way to enter a tavern. One can only really hope that the rest of the tavern is loud enough to cover your entrance. To her credit, Enna had tried to tug Madison’s cloak over her horns, but there wasn’t much hiding her bulky silhouette or the fine clothing of the nobles. So when the door opened to let them in, heads turned, and conversations died down, all they could do was move as quickly as possible towards the stairs.
Once safely ensconced in one of the tavern’s upper rooms- Ulysses had asked for a room without windows, but apparently that wasn’t an option, wasn’t anyone concerned with security for their clients- they had a moment to catch their breath. Emiel took one look at the two available beds, gave Enna a glance that Ulysses couldn’t interpret, and flopped facefirst onto a straw mattress. “Nobles get first dibs,” they said, muffled by the thin pillow. Madison shrugged.
“I’m honestly fine with sleeping on the floor, if you need me to-” She was cut off by the simultaneous objections of both bodyguards and raised her hands in surrender. “Yeah, okay, but you guys need to be fresh for saving our asses in the morning. So, uh, I mean, I’m fine with, if one of you wanted to, maybe share…” She shot Ulysses a frantic glare of don’t you dare take me up on this offer, you know who this is for. It was all he could do to keep his face straight.
“Yes, that’s a good idea, but you know, actually I don’t think I should share with you, for propriety’s sake. You know what your mother would say.” The gratitude radiating off of Madison was palpable. “But Enna, since you’re surely tired after all that fighting-”
Enna stretched, her midriff-baring armor riding up and making Madison turn away in self-defense. “Nah, wouldn’t work. We’re gonna need to sleep in shifts anyway, and I wouldn’t wanna be waking Madison up every couple hours. Unless you were planning on staying up all night?” She raised an eyebrow at Ulysses, who had in fact been planning that exact thing- he still had enough spell slots to get them through the next day, and he was no stranger to sleep deprivation. This apparently showed on his face, and she snorted at him. “Man, come on.” She settled down on the floor, her back firmly against the door. “Y’all get to sleep, I’ll take first watch. I can’t sleep for like an hour after raging anyway. Ulysses, you wanna-”
She was interrupted by a loud chiming coming from Emiel’s bed. Emiel yelped and sat up, sticking a hand down their decolletage and rummaging around. “Shit, shit, shit,” they muttered as they pulled out a silver pendant set with a ruby glowing with gently-pulsing light. “Great timing, sis!” They breathed gently on the stone and murmured something under their breath, which ended the chiming and turned the pulsing light into a strong glow. The glow left the ruby to hover close above the pendant, now held flat in Emiel’s palm.
“Dear sibling, be on your guard tonight,” the sending spell said, a woman’s voice speaking in an Impiltur-accented woman’s voice. “Vade has just informed me that agents of our good friend Alexandre have been seen in the area, and that he is still not taking my acquisition well. No cause for alarm as yet, but he may try something desparate- he is an exceedingly stupid man. I do hope that your engagement is going well.” The sending fell gently back into the ruby as the message ended. The only sound was the soft smack of Emiel’s other hand hitting their face and dragging down it.
“Very helpful, darling sister! Would have loved to have known that two hours ago, if your weird spymaster had been any faster with- auuughhhhh, I am going to give her such shit for this forever!” Enna was laughing hard enough to rattle the doorframe with her shaking shoulders as Emiel flopped dramatically back on to the bed and held the ruby up to their mouth. “Dearest sister, I happen to already be aware of this development, and am now holed up in a shitty dive bar because Alexandre already tried something desperate and it was to kill me and I had to escape through a hedge maze and I am now going to have to sleep in my party clothes, again, I will be sending you the bill for their repair!” They tossed the pendant at the wall and flung a hand over their eyes. “Ugh! Enna, what is the point of my sister having an extensive and scary spy network if it doesn’t keep my night from getting ruined!”
Enna shrugged and retrieved the amulet for them, tossing it gently back onto the bed. “Ultimate gossip knowledge?”
Emiel tilted their head to consider this. “Yeah, that’s pretty good. Oh, shit, here she is again.” They activated the chiming pendant and released the new sending spell.
“I will assume that you are safe. You will be extracted by one of the Hand in the morning, or earlier if they can get there fast enough. They will be able to track your bracelet, so do not worry about where to meet them.” The voice was much more clipped this time, and Ulysses wondered if that was what genuine concern sounded like on the head of House Asuna. “I will see you soon enough. Do tell Enna to make sure you take this seriously.” Enna snapped off a salute at the pendant and settled back against the door.
“You heard the lady. Get some sleep, we’ll stay here till someone gets us tomorrow.” Emiel bit their lip and looked away from Enna, who sat up and frowned at them. “Emiel? You got something to say?” She stood up and walked over to their bed. “Is there a problem with the plan?”
Emiel opened their mouth and raised their hand to illustrate a point, but Enna’s arm shot out and grabbed their wrist before they could say anything. “Hey Emiel? Where’s the tracing bracelet?”
Emiel’s chin jutted out defiantly. “In my jewelry box, because it is gaudy and would look like shit with this outfit.”
Enna sighed. “I mean, you’re right, and that’s a really good reason. It’s like, would it have killed Andromeda to enchant something in rose gold?”
“Exactly.” Emiel rolled their eyes and shook their wrist out of Enna’s grasp. “So Andromeda’s plan is not going to work, and we’re gonna have to find her people ourselves, which is going to be stupid.”
“Sorry, what is going on?” Madison asked from her crosslegged position on the bed.
Emiel shrugged dismissively. “Our House just acquired the traditional business holdings of another noble House, so now they hate us for being better than them, and Alexandre is the scion of that house and he makes dumb decisions like trying to come get me when he knows I’ve got Enna with me-” Enna beamed- “and Andromeda has a group of people called the Crimson Hand who work for her who are gonna come get us out since apparently Alexandre brought a bunch of his dudes and Andromeda doesn’t want to risk me getting hurt.”
“Andromeda?” Ulysses asked, frowning.
“Oh! Andromeda is, uh,” Emiel stammered, “someone who works for my sister. Whose name is Haniel.”
“Yup!” Enna affirmed. “She is literally her right hand.” Emiel smacked Enna on the bicep. “Right-hand lady.”
“And they’re tracking you through an enchanted bracelet, which you took off because it didn’t match your outfit?” Madison rubbed her eyes in exasperation. “So how in the hell are we supposed to contact these shadowy operatives? Break into Lady Foxwell’s manor without getting seen and steal the bracelet back?”
There was a pause. The pause stretched for longer than Ulysses would have liked for it to. Enna looked at Emiel. “Well-”
“No, absolutely not.” Ulysses cut her off. “There has to be a better way to get to them than this ridiculous plan.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right!” Enna slid off the bed to sit next to Ulysses on the floor. “You guys get some sleep, we’ll figure something out. You got all night to come up with a better idea, yeah?”
Ulysses nodded. It wouldn’t take him long to think something else up. He’d have a much safer plan by the time morning came.
He didn’t.
In the dark hours before dawn, Ulysses and Enna hashed out something resembling a plan. Not a plan that Ulysses would have chosen if he was in anything other than the direst of straits. Not a plan that would have occurred to him if he was working with anyone other than an illiterate madwoman with demon blood. But it was a plan.
“This city is built on top of itself,” Enna had explained, her voice hushed so as to not wake up their charges. “Old city sank the fuck down into swamp, they just paved over it and some dwarven city planners shored up the foundations. But the whole thing’s still down there, streets and buildings and shit. They mostly use it as storm drains and storage now. Built-in basements. Lots of it used as catacombs. And it’s all connected, you could get from one end of the city to the other if you could stand the smell long enough. Free and clear, no worries about getting spotted.” She pointed to Ulysses’ map of the city. “Here’s us, and here-” another part, well away from where they were- “is where we’re going. You got a compass?”
Ulysses nodded. “We can navigate fairly easily, I have a few spells I can prepare that would help keep us from getting lost. How did you even find out about this?” Ulysses had been impressed with her reconnaissance earlier, but this was bordering on the implausible.
“Got shitfaced in the Foxwell cellar, fell in a hole, and had to ask one of the underbutlers to get me out. He explained the whole thing.” Ah. That… that made a lot more sense.
Now the sun was peeking over the horizon, and they had rested long enough. With their charges shaken awake, they snuck out of the tavern and stole along the empty streets. This early in the morning, there were few people out and about. Lamplighters were snuffing the wicks still burning from the night before, merchants were setting up their stalls for the morning shoppers, and a sleepy populace was just beginning to wake up. Good citizens- or at least law-abiding ones- turned their heads to stare at the conspicuous group as they made their way through the town.
“This is bad,” Ulysses hissed from his position at the back of their cluster. “We stick out too much. We need to find an entrance to the catacombs now, before-”
A man wearing a dark cloak lurched too close to the party. Ulysses’ hand had already shot out to fling a shield over Madison before his brain consciously registered the sword in the man’s hand. He flicked his other hand, muttered a curse, and the man yelled as he was flung backwards.Then there was a red blur in front of his eyes and he heard the thunk of metal biting into lacquered wood. Enna’s arm was stretched backward, her axe handle the only thing between Emiel’s face and a silver blade. “Go!” she yelled, shoving forward and knocking the assailant off balance. Ulysses reversed and took point, leading them at a run down a side street. A quick glance back- there were three, maybe four people pursuing them. Enna was swiping at them with her axe, but it was less deterring them and more keeping them at a distance. He heard Emiel swear under their breath.
“There!” Madison hissed, speeding up and nearly passing Ulysses. He saw where she was pointing- a storm drain cover in an alleyway, partially open. The party took a sharp right and Ulysses threw up an opaque barrier across the mouth of the alley. They could hear their pursuers shouting and hammering on it, but the magic held firm long enough for them to climb down into the darkness.
Ulysses didn’t believe in luck. He knew there was a goddess of fortune, and he knew that random chance was inevitable, but he didn’t believe in being a generally lucky person. Nevertheless, he had never been as close to worshipping Timora than he was when his boots hit the water and he was sure that the storm drain was not also a waste sewer. It was pitch-black down there. Out of the corner of his eye he caught two lights glinting in the darkness, and he whipped his head around, but it was just Enna, her eyes gleaming like a cat’s with reflected light from Emiel’s skin. “You got the spell?” she whispered. It echoed around the stone tunnel, the bass notes of her voice rumbling down the tunnels like a surge of storm water. He nodded and opened his hand. After a moment’s concentration, a small glowing needle appeared just above his palm.
“If we head roughly west, we should be able to make our way into the Foxwell cellars,” Ulysses murmured. “It shouldn’t be more than a few hours’ walk.” Enna reflexively put a hand over Emiel’s mouth to quiet their loud groan at the news. “That’s factoring in any backtracking and navigation we might need to do if we hit a dead end. We need to stay together, move as quietly as possible, and try to use as little light as we can. Any questions?” Enna and Emiel raised their hands in unison, so Ulysses amended his statement. “Any questions that aren’t asking me if we could use magic to get there faster?” Enna and Emiel dropped their hands and everyone shook their heads.
Compared to the mad dash of the night before, the underground walk was almost boring. Ulysses had been expecting lurching skeletons, half-blind dire rats, or at the very least a threatening ooze. But all was quiet in the tunnels. Ulysses’ navigation spell led them through paved storm drains into dirt-packed storage hallways and then into echoing catacombs, the walls stacked high with shelves of the dead. The party drew closer then. This wasn’t a particularly magical city, but sometimes it didn’t take much for the undead to animate of their own accord. When they left the catacombs and returned to echoing storm drains everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
“Not too much longer,” Ulysses murmured, still holding the glowing needle before him. “We should be able to-”
Enna’s head snapped up and he cut himself off mid-sentence. She sniffed the air- eyes closed, nose up, like she was a bloodhound, was this a bit she was doing- and held out a hand for them to stop. A moment later he heard it- splashing, getting closer, too loud to be a sewer rat. Ulysses looked around for an exit and waved the party down a dark tunnel. They hurried down it, trying to move as quietly as possible, but Madison stumbled on a drain and cried out. She moved to cover her mouth and they all froze, but it was too late. There were shouts and the unmistakable sound of several people charging through the low water towards them. Enna swore and they started running. Ulysses took point and Enna took the rear without any communication necessary.
The tunnel was narrowing into almost single-file width when it took a sharp right. Ulysses skidded around the bend and came to an abrupt stop. Before him was a flat stone wall- dead end. The rest of the party rounded the corner and stopped with him. With only a few moments before their pursuers found them, Enna turned to Ulysses. “Only one option, yeah?” He frowned, making her grin. “Man, you really hate when I’m right. Bet you I get more of them than you do!” With that, she ignited her axe and charged back around the corner.
Well then. He couldn’t let that stand. She was only a few steps around the corner when he caught up to her, axe in hand and snarling a challenge to the oncoming fighters. It was dark in the tunnel, lit mostly by the flickering fire of her axe, and the echoes bounced and multiplied off of the stone walls, so he couldn’t tell how many were coming. It was definitely more than he was used to facing at once.
Not enough to intimidate Enna, though. “Cover me, wizard boy!” she yelled, something fierce and wild in her tone, and charged ahead, her axe a streak of light in the darkness. His eye twitched as he threw up a barrier behind him. If these cut-rate mercenaries were going to get to their charges, they had a lot to get through first. Enna was already deep into the crowd by the time he turned back, screaming a challenge in a language he had never heard before. Her blade cut through their pursuers in a streak of bloody light that only dimmed when it found its target. Ulysses twisted his wrist and sent a bolt of crackling energy into the heart of one of her attackers, who screamed and fell to the ground. He smiled in brief satisfaction- he hadn’t gotten to use that spell in years. This had the unfortunate side effect of reminding his attackers that they were facing more than one murderous bodyguard, and two of them peeled off to end him.
Two barely-trained mercenaries weren’t much of a threat to a former member of the Cloaks, but they were a distraction. By the time the two of them were dispatched, one dead and one writhing on the ground, he had lost track of Enna in the crowd of assailants. He lurched forward and cast a wave of thunder to scatter them, hoping he didn’t hit her in the process.
It cleared a path- and dropped a few who were on their last legs- and he threw a lance of fire through the chest of one of the last men standing. Enna slashed through the chest of the one remaining, and as he gurgled his last breath she turned to smile back at Ulysses. “Thanks, man.”
“Is that all of them?” he asked, stepping towards her.
“Yeah, I- fuck!” Enna’s eyes widened and she grabbed his arm. She pivoted them around, nearly knocking him off balance and sending him stumbling towards the wall. He heard a wet cough and turned to see Enna frozen in place. Her arm was fully extended and there was a splash as the head of the man who had been coming up behind Ulysses fell to the ground. The guttering light of her axe glinted off the sword that had skewered her through the chest and out the other side. She coughed again, and Ulysses’ stomach twisted to see how the blade shook, wet with black blood. He stumbled forward to steady her and keep her from falling to the ground as she shuddered, heaving great wracking coughs, her lung convulsing around the blade that pierced it.
She grabbed his arm. “Go,” she wheezed, her gold eyes burning into his own. “Get them-” she coughed again, her dark blood staining his shirt, and he nodded, propping her up against the wall. He dismissed the barrier and raced back toward their charges.
Ulysses paced outside of the room, feet almost wearing a groove in the floor in front of the door. Madison looked up at him from her nearby seat on a bench and frowned, gesturing for him to stop. He could hear low voices, then one coming closer to the door. He stopped pacing and dug his nails into the palms of his hands. Finally, agonizingly slowly, the door opened, and Ulysses had to hold himself back from shoving past the healer and bursting directly in. Thankfully, he had mastered his impulses a long time ago, so the only indication of his emotional state was the clench of his fists as he addressed the healer.
“May we come in?” he asked, his face a perfect mask that betrayed no feeling. Madison stood up and smoothed out her extremely wrinkled skirt. The healer bowed to them and stood aside from the door. Madison didn’t even let him get out of the way before she was shoving past him into the room. Ulysses gave the man a curt nod and strode in.
Emiel was slumped, snoring lightly, in a chair next to the bed. Another healer was washing her hands in a basin on the nightstand. And there, pushing herself up into a sitting position, was Enna. Madison made a strangled noise in the back of her throat and pivoted fully around, her eyes wide. Enna looked down, realized that she was shirtless and only bandaged on one side of her chest, and snorted, pulling up the sheet. Ulysses raised an eyebrow at Madison and nodded to indicate that it was safe to turn around. Madison’s face was burning as she turned back.
“You’re very lucky that you were close by,” the healer said, drying her hands on a nearby towel. “Another few minutes and you would have been in a much worse situation. Resurrection is much more expensive.”
“Eh, Emiel’s got money,” Enna said, with a remarkably cavalier attitude to her own mortality. Madison made another strangled noise and sat down hard on a nearby chair. In a motion of pure habit, Ulysses drifted to stand a half-step behind her. “So you guys dragged me through the sewers?” she asked, rolling her neck until it cracked.
Madison winced at the noise. “Emiel got you stabilized and Ulysses conjured something up to carry you. You’re lucky that you two had already taken care of all of the attackers, you could have been killed-”
Enna waved a hand dismissively. “Luck nothing, I wasn’t gonna die without finishing the job. Plus, I had good backup!” She winked at Ulysses, who rolled his eyes. “And Emiel woulda been mad at me if I’d died, so I can’t do that to them.”
“If you die on me I get to kill you again,” Emiel murmured sleepily, propping their face up on a delicate hand.
“Them’s the breaks, nothing I can do.” Enna stretched, forgetting about the sheet, and only Ulysses’ quick use of Mage Hand preserved Madison’s innocence. “So we were almost at the manor when we got jumped?”
“Yes, it was only a few minutes more of travel after that wrong turn. The butler who found us in the wine cellar was… shocked, to say the least.” The man had dropped an entire bottle of a very expensive 1078 vintage on his foot and it had taken all of Emiel’s persuasive power to keep him from running out of the room and getting the guard. “Thankfully, Alexandre’s hirelings had not managed to infiltrate the house guards, and we were able to get to Emiel’s beacon bracelet without incident.” The glare that Madison had given Emiel when they had been reluctant to put it on with their current outfit had been legendary.
“I think ‘ndromeda sent Vade and Vilexi, I warned the house guard about ‘em but who knows if they’re gonna be able to get in,” Emiel mumbled, clearly staying awake through sheer force of will. Their eyelashes were long enough to brush their silver-freckled cheeks when their eyes drooped, which was extremely distracting to Ulysses. “They’re not really talkers.”
“Y’all should go make sure they get here, I’ll be fine for now.” Enna sat back on the pillows that were propping her back up. Madison stood up a little too quickly and nearly headbutted Ulysses in the face. Emiel yawned and stood up in a fluid motion, equal parts graceful and languid, the effect ruined by them stumbling and nearly falling flat on their face. Madison held their arm to lead them out of the room. Ulysses turned to follow, but paused.
He sat down in the chair Madison had just vacated. “I have a question, if you have a moment.” Enna snorted and gestured to indicate all of the nothing she was doing. His mouth quirked at one side. “What- why did you push me out of the way, back then?”
Enna’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
He spread his hands. “It seemed odd. I mean, you didn’t have to.”
“Yeah I did? Dude, he was going to stab you, and I know for a fact that wizards aren’t the heartiest motherfuckers on the block.” Enna raised her eyebrows. “You would’ve gone down like a straw house in a stiff breeze.”
“Well, yes, obviously.” Ulysses had a vivid memory of the last time he had been stabbed, and it was not an experience he was exactly excited to repeat. “But I’m not your charge, nor am I your charge-by-proxy like Madison is.”
“So what?” She looked legitimately confused, but less of an “I don’t understand this concept” and more of an “I am confused that you don’t understand this” face. “I’m still gonna look out for you.”
This felt like talking to a brick wall. “Why?”
Enna’s confusion turned into incredulity. “Uh. Cause we’re friends?”
Ulysses’ eyebrows shot up. “Um.”
The incredulity melted off of her face and she laughed, doubling over and coughing up a little bit of blood onto the sheets. The healer hurried over, glaring at Ulysses like this was somehow his fault, and got Enna propped back up against the headboard. Enna waved her away, taking a deep breath and getting her balance back. “Ulysses! Have you literally never had friends before? Oh my god, dude!”
“That’s a terrible reason to nearly die in a sewer.” Now was probably not the time to mention that Ulysses had never called someone a friend in his entire life. “You have a job to do-”
“Haha, oh man, is this how you’re showing that you were worried about me? I almost died, man, give me a break!” Enna was grinning at him and he did not like it one bit. “Friendship is about two things- getting blackout drunk together and making terrible decisions together. And dying in a sewer when you’re five minutes from the safety zone is a pretty fucking terrible decision!”
“Yes, I agree, but-”
“So you agree we’re friends!” Enna put her hands behind her head with the self-satisfied air of someone who has found an airtight argument for their cause. “Gotcha, asshole!”
Ulysses wanted very badly to put his head in his hands but that would have felt like conceding a loss. “I am going to go make sure that Emiel’s sister’s envoys have arrived,” he said, standing up and glaring at her. “You stay here and make sure that you don’t cough your remaining lung out.”
Enna snapped off a crisply sarcastic salute. “You got it, boss!” She settled down into the pillows. “Oh, and as soon as I’m better, you and me are going drinking. Cause you ooooowe meeeeeeeee.”
Ulysses refused to dignify that with a response and strode out of the room. After he had closed the door behind him, though, he allowed a small smile to creep onto his face. Friends. Well. He supposed he could live with that.
Author's Notes:
Written 2/20/2020. Apparently I started it in June of 2019, but it took me a while to get it finished. Bodyguard AU! In which Madison is a newly-wealthy noble, Ulysses got hired by her family instead of Nikolai, and Enna got hired by Andromeda instead of her original mercenary group. In this AU Andromeda/Haniel never left her family and just stayed to girlboss it up.