She remembers hearing about multiverse theory, once, in an otherwise-uninteresting lecture. About how for every decision that is made, there exists a universe where its opposite was chosen. At the time, she didn't think much of it.
There exists a universe where she kissed her back, that night in their dorm. Where after their lips brushed together, she didn't pull back, but leaned in, put her hand in the other girl's hair and drew her near. Where she told her how she felt, and where Maria understood, and laughed, and said she felt the same. Where they fell asleep with fingers intertwined. Where the next day Maria told everyone that they were dating now, and they breezed through the rest of the year as a couple.
She tries not to dwell on the possibility of this universe.
There exists a universe where she didn't go immediately into the command track, but joined Maria in the field. Where they climbed the ranks together, explored brave new worlds together, flew beyond the limits of the empire and laughed with the impossible freedom of it all. Maybe in that universe she told her how she felt. Maybe she moved on. Whatever happened, though, they were together.
There exists a universe where they never drifted apart. Where they stayed in regular contact- maybe not every day, but often enough that they knew what was going on in the other's life. Enough that they still joked together, still teased each other. Enough that their correspondence was warmer than a status report, at least. In this universe, she could have gotten a last goodbye, could have known that Maria was alive, could have run off to join her. In this universe she didn't wear a black band around her forearm for six months.
There exists a universe where she ignored her superior's orders and the nagging voice of logic and reason, where she commandeered a small skiff and raced off to the edges of the empire to find her.
There exists a universe where someone else was given the order to capture the rebel ship.
There exists an infinity of universes, of possibilities, of officers and captains and empires. In theory. But there is only one universe that she knows to exist. And that is the universe where she stands, strapped into her pressed-flat fleet uniform, in front of the holding cell. It is the universe where her stomach churns as the rebel captain looks up at her through one good eye and one robotic one. It is the universe where the first words she hears from her in over a decade are "Long time no see, Lucia."
Author's Notes:
This was written 11/10/2015. I think this was one of the first things I did with my now-best-friend Emma, back when they were still in high school and we only knew each other through Skype. And now we live together! That's nuts!