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Better Days To Find

It wasn't Gretchen who found out Madison was missing, but it should have been.

It was one of her coworkers at Roth's who told Roth that she hadn't shown up for her shift, and Roth had known that she never missed a shift, and he had asked around until he had the realization that nobody knew where she was, nobody had known where she was for hours.

Gretchen had been on shift. She'd been working at Elven Delights, making the stupid fucking cinnamon loaf they were known for, something she could do in her sleep, something any baker there could have been doing. She had spent hours pounding and kneading ingredients until they were ready to prove overnight in the owner's special magical proving bin. She hadn't even thought about Madison until the next day, when she found out from Dany. Two best friends, lost in the span of less than a year, and she had been making mass-produced loaves. It was like she hadn't learned anything from Imogen's death.

She'd known what to do when she'd gotten the news. She'd run over to Camile's house to find her sobbing into her shaking hands, crumpled in a heap on her bed downstairs. She'd put her arms around her and held her, feeling the strangeness of comforting her friend's mom far too familiarly. Camile felt so fragile. Light, thin-boned, hair almost brittle with age that had set in too rapidly for a woman in her fifties. Gretchen held her close and stroked her hair and promised that she would find her, there were so many people they knew that could find her, that she wouldn't be gone long.

And then the Thanes returned from the plains with Frelina and Baltic in tow. Gretchen hadn't even had to promise favors or payment to the wizards- her friendship with Madison was reason enough for them to help her no questions asked. But not even their strongest scrying could find her. The only thing they knew was that somewhere, somehow, she was still alive.

Gretchen was leaving her job for the day and heading to Camile's house when she saw Enna. The tiefling was leaning "nonchalantly" against a rain barrel behind the bakery, and nearly jumped out of her skin when Gretchen coughed to get her attention. "Oh! Hey, uh, how's it going Gretchen?" she stammered, running a hand through her hair.

"What do you want?" Gretchen asked, folding her arms.

The six-foot-tall barbarian tried her best to hunch in on herself. "I wanted to see if you needed any help."

"At... the bakery?" She wiped her floury hands off on her apron. "You can ask the boss, but he's pretty snobby."

Enna laughed and settled her hands on her hips. "Nah, that guy knows I'm a Thane and he still won't even let me into the shop. No, I, uh. Help with Madison's mom?"

Gretchen raised an eyebrow and frowned. "And why are you asking about that?"

Enna looked down at the ground. "Look, I know you haven't let me off the hook for what I did to Madison. And honestly, fair, I can't believe she ever did." Gretchen's memory flashed back to the last time Madison had fully rotated on her barstool at seeing Enna flex and tried to hold back a laugh. She had a pretty good idea of why Madison had forgiven her. "If you want me to fuck off, I can. But if you could use a hand, you know, I don't have anything else going on."

Now Gretchen had no reason to hold back her laugh. "There's a war going on, I've met two of the Doomlords in person, and Madison told me about the giant world-eating dragon hurtling toward us as we speak. The great Thane of Trailsend has nothing else going on?"

"Nothing more important," Enna said, looking back up at Gretchen.

And Gretchen knew she couldn't do everything Camile needed without help. So regardless of her personal feelings, she nodded and let Enna follow her.

heart divider

Enna bumped the door open with her hip and ducked into the front room of the house. "Hey, got the groceries!"

"Great, set them down over there," Gretchen directed as she leaned Camile down on her bed. "I'm gonna prop your feet up, okay?"

Camile tried in vain to wave her away. "You girls are so sweet to do all this for me, but I'm not dead yet. I will take a cup of tea, if you can find time to make one between re-tiling my whole roof and replacing all my floorboards with gold."

Enna scrunched up her forehead. "Gold leaf or solid gold? Cause one of those is gonna be a lot more structurally sound than the other."

Gretchen moved to the cupboard to get a mug. "I've already checked your roof," she said, "and it should be just fine for any snow this winter."

Enna activated some magical trinket and started a fire under the kettle. "The stairs down to the cellar need a new handrail, though. Might be termites, the one down there is a little soft."

"Oh, and that creaky hinge on the door still needs fixing."

"I can order a new hinge from the smith, it would be ready in a couple-"

"You're both treating me like glass!" Camile scooted up to a sitting position against the headboard. "If you want to do me some good, go see if the woodworker has fixed my chair yet, and give me a moment's peace while you're out." She levered herself off of the bed- against the loud protests of Gretchen and Enna- and sat down in her chair in front of the fire. "I'm capable of making my own tea. Out!"

So there they were, two grown women tossed out of a house like misbehaving kids. Enna gave her a shrug and a smile. "Well, lead the way, I got no clue where the woodcarver is."

Gretchen gave her a small smile in return, less of a "wow, so true bestie" grin and more of a "we sure are in this situation" quirk of the mouth. "You don't have to come with me, you know."

"Yeah, no offense, that old chair is heavy as hell and there's no sense hiring a cart to bring it back when I can just-" Enna mimed hoisting a heavy object one-handed and holding it above her head like a circus performer. "And if I go back in there and try to clean anything, Camile is gonna beat my ass inside out."

Gretchen snorted at the thought of Camile posing a threat to one of the Thanes of Trailsend. But she couldn't blame Enna for being intimidated by the woman- Camile had always been a threateningly positive presence in her life. It wasn't hard to see where Madison had gotten it from.

They remained in silence for a bit. Gretchen was rapidly realizing, as they walked side by side in the crowded streets, that despite how long they'd been working side by side to help Camile, this was the first time they'd been alone together for a long time. She couldn't even remember a time when they'd been alone before the breakup had happened. For her part, Enna didn't seem to notice the awkwardness. She was just walking along, smiling and waving at the people that greeted her, one thumb hooked in her belt. Gretchen looked away and set her gaze ahead of her. She needed to focus on the task at hand, not worry about an awkward social situation.

They got to the woodworker's shop without breaking the silence between them. It was only on the way back, one-handed hefting the padded chair as easily as she'd mimed lifting it earlier, that Enna spoke. "You know, I'm not sure if I ever said thanks."

"For what?" Gretchen replied, too confused for the moment to feel awkward about Enna finally talking to her.

"Y'know, back after the whole-" Enna waved her free hand around to indicate a mess of events too dramatic to list off. "When you gave Madison the message for me."

Gretchen rolled her eyes. "What was I supposed to do, tell you to fuck off?"

"You could've!" Enna grinned at her. "You had a lot of pretty good reasons to." She started numbering things on her fingers. "I didn't listen to Madison enough, I avoided her when she needed me, I hurt her feelings really badly, I broke up with her in THE worst possible way at the worst possible time-"

Gretchen waved that away. "Good point. Thank you for reminding me of all the reasons I should stop trusting you."

"Stop trusting me?" Enna pivoted, now walking backwards so she could face Gretchen. "So you trust me now?"

Enna's smile was so wide-open that, despite herself, Gretchen smiled back. "Maybe. I'll give you a maybe on that."

"YESSSS!" Enna spun around and punched the air like a prizefighting champion. "A solid maybe!"

"Nobody said solid!" Gretchen laughed, running a little to catch up with Enna. "The most you get is firm. A firm maybe."

"A FIRM MAYBE!!!!" Enna's shouts were attracting attention now, but she didn't seem to notice. "It's all paying off, babey!"

"Paying off? So all this was a ploy to get me to forgive you?" Gretchen's sharp tone caught Enna's attention and she turned. panic on her face, before seeing the twinkle in Gretchen's eye. "Apologizing to Madison, working to gain her trust, being an actual friend to her-"

"Aww, shit, you caught me!" Enna returned that twinkle with another open grin. "Yeah, helping Camile too, hanging out with you, all that. Purely selfish motivations! All a long con to get that firm maybe outta you."

Gretchen sniffed in mock outrage. "Your plot has been exposed, and you shan't fool me again. Your firm maybe has now been downgraded to limp."

"Alas!" Enna clutched her heart and pretended to stagger around, coming dangerously close to hitting passers-by with the chair. "My evil plans, noooo!!! Destroyed by a flaccid maybe!"

"Blegh, flaccid?" Gretchen stuck out her tongue. "Pick a different word or it's going all the way down to "soggy," and it might not recover from that."

"You absolutely do not want to know how many different words for "limp" I have in my pocket, Iona's taught me like fifty thousand rude songs by now. You ever hear her play 'The Nobleman's Noble Helper'?"

"Oh, god, the one with the chorus that goes like And with all his gold and with all his furs and his gem-encrusted cup-"

"The nobleman still searched for a way to keep his spirits up!" Enna's strong tenor joined her voice before bursting into laughter again. "Classic. Gets stuck in your head for days. Can't tell you how many times I've caught Reynald humming it, even though he pretends to sulk in the corner whenever Iona plays at Roth's."

"Of course he does. Can I ask, is he actually the thousand year old legendary villain, or is he just really committed to the bit?"

"Thousand year old, yes, legendary villain?" Enna waggled her hand noncommittally. "Ehhhh. He's kinda lame. About the only thing that he gets excited about is prizefighting, and dunking on me for-" Her mouth snapped shut, and an expression washed over her face that a kindergardener could have deciphered. "For, uh. Stuff."

"Stuff," Gretchen repeated, raising an eyebrow. Enna shot her an anguished look. and Gretchen had an idea. She didn't like the part of herself that thought transactionally, but it was there. And Enna might be a Thane now, but she had been a mercenary before that. So she didn't feel too bad about it when she said "For an upgrade back to "firm maybe," you want to tell me what 'stuff' means?"

Enna groaned miserably. "Come on, you know. Everyone knows! I think maybe even Madison knows, she's just too nice to say anything."

"I don't think she does, if that helps any." Gretchen sighed. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I figured it was worth asking."

Enna took a moment to think about it. Gretchen could all but hear the gears grinding inside her skull. "If I tell you, are we square for the message?"

"Square for that, and I'll upgrade you to a solid maybe."

Enna smiled at her, the big stupid cheer gone from her face and replaced with a clearer type of honesty. "Shit, I'm not likely to see a better deal than that. So, just so we know the terms of the deal, what's your question, exactly?"

Gretchen made a considering noise and stuck her hands in her pockets. She honestly hadn't expected to get this far, but if Enna was willing to talk about it… "Are you in love with Madison?"

Enna laughed, a short sharp bark. "Whoa, right to the point!" She shifted the chair's position on her shoulder. "You sure you don't want to ask something less earth-shattering. like "is Shar going to plunge the world into chaos" or "what does Felix's inner thigh tattoo say"? It says "Hang in there baby" in Elvish, by the way, and he claims to not remember where he got it."

"You're pretty good at stalling," Gretchen said, smiling up at her. "Listen, if you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to-"

"Nah, I want that solid maybe like I've never wanted anything in my life." Enna groaned, apparently to psyche herself up, and finally looked back at Gretchen. "Yeah. Yeah, I've been in love with her the whole time. Even before we broke up!" She dragged a hand down her face in frustration. "But I was being stupid, and I didn't know what anything meant. and I got defensive for no reason, and then we broke up!" She shrugged, jostling the chair. "Which, y'know, was better in the long run. Cause now our relationship is way better. And I like being friends with her! She's really cool, and funny, and smart, and awesome, and-" Enna saw the look Gretchen was giving her, and moved on. "Yeah. So. If she just wants to be friends, then I'm cool with that. There's lots of ways to love someone that don't involve boning down on the regs."

"But if she did want to-" Gretchen made air-quotes- "-bone down-"

"Oh, fuck yeah, I'd be there in a heartbeat." Enna raised her eyebrows like this was obvious. "But, you know. If she also wanted to… I dunno, make a lifelong romantic commitment. I would also want that. Hypothetically."

Gretchen burst into laughter. She had to stop walking, and Enna turned back to her, looking mildly offended. "I'm not-" she wheezed- "I promise I'm not laughing at you!" She very distinctly remembered Madison using almost those exact terms the last time they'd talked about her complicated relationship with her ex. Something along the lines of how she didn't want a casual relationship, she wanted the kind of lifelong romantic commitment that makes other people annoyed at how horny they were for each other even when they were old. Gretchen wasn't the kind of friend to give baseless romantic advice, so she hadn't told Madison she thought that could work between them. She stood by saying that at the time. But she knew Enna better now.

"It's not you, it's- I remembered something Madison said, a while ago." She straightened up, took a deep breath, and walked to join Enna. "Don't worry about it."

Enna was watching her with a strange smile on her face. When Gretchen looked quizzically back at her, she grinned. "You usually don't laugh when you think about Madison."

Gretchen frowned, feeling the levity drain away. "Of course not. I'm worried about her."

"Yeah, but you know her. She wouldn't want you to be." Enna started walking again. and Gretchen realized that they were almost back to Camile's house. "We're going to find her, or she's going to find us. No sense in not laughing in the meantime."

Gretchen shook her head and followed Enna back to Camile's. It was only after they had finished there, and Enna had chivalrously walked Gretchen back to her home, that Gretchen thought about what she'd said, staring at the ceiling above her bed. Madison hadn't let anyone worry about her when she was here. Maybe Enna was right. Gretchen wished she could borrow that unshakable confidence for the night. If she could have as much faith in things turning out well as Enna did, she might be able to relax for once. It took her a moment to realize that she was, for the first time in her life, thinking about taking Enna's advice. The advice of someone who she had seen eat rocks on a dare. Realizing how far she'd fallen took up enough of her brain to keep her from worrying, and she managed to fall asleep that night without dreams.

Author's Notes:

Posted 1/11/2022. I love Gretchen so much and it was honestly a crime that she doesnt get to be in Under My Skin so she gets a coupla pov fics! Fun fact, this fic works in the timelines of both the Under My Skin AU and the canon Cold Lands timeline. Which one is it canonically in? YOU decide!